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Article :: 2007.11.22 - This Week Press Report

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Putaruru Golf Club Report for Insertion in “This Week”
Thursday 22 November 2007.

Men's Report
This week we have the sublime, the ridiculous, rumours of Dead blatant cheating, and the truly bizarre as alter-egos battle it out in this report.

But there is no report from the Ladies Closed Christmas Tournament, very hush hush, as they steal Captain Ding’s thunder by hold the largest by far Christmas Tournament, that was a roaring success with something like 120 plus in the field, spectacular scoring, and Captain Ding was not there ... my bad!  But from all accounts, a rip snorter of a day ... well done to the Ladies.

Putaruru Super Liquor Midweek
It was another great day that Captain Ding was unable to play, but the scoring was truly humungously bizarre.  Florence Jellard won the ladies with a nett 67, good score and nothing too bizarre.

And the division 1 scoring was customary where Tali Mulafia won with a nett 67, runner up Lance Hay 69.  The stableford winners were Ron Taylor 39, King Shanly 38, Lauchie Phillips and Hooky Howard 37.

But in division 2, was it a case of Captain Ding needing to test for performance enhancing stimulants, or was it just a ballistic quirk that summer is on the way? The nett winners were Vic O’Rourke 62 and John Craig 66; and the stableford winners were Don Riley 43, Keith Hunt and Stew Kensington 40, Gary Urbahn and Peter Smith 39.

Bells Twilight Zone
85 players and 16 teams are all you need to conjure this mayhem we call twilight.   And special thanks must go to “XCD”, or soon to be ex Captain Ding whose has added some of his special hot chilli comments, to make this bland insipid culinary gruel, somehow more delicious.

Now, cheating ... you know cheating is such a Dead ugly word (“like cold liver”), but in this high stakes game, you need those activists to chasten those in charge to ensure fairness to all teams competing On Arrival, (“now there’s a clue.”)

The now endangered species, the humble Beavers, are in this category, feeling the same gut wrenching trauma as our national teams, all of whom were blatantly robbed of a fair go, of a fair competition, of a competent referee, by those whom would seek to win at all costs...

“Crikey Captain Ding, what a neurotic piece of namby pamby left wing, it’s just a game, participation is all that matters piece of crap ... get on with it!”

 Alright then, is it cheating when you have 7 players in your team playing, but you don’t nominate your chosen five for team scoring purposes?  This sort of ethic smacks of Wayne Barnes type of proportions, or is it just a Dead duck, On Arrival?  You be the judge my little quirk-ettes.

“That's better, short, and pithy, to the point!”

First in the teams were Phuk Knows with 63 points, followed by Team Yugio, DOA and Tirau Earthmover 2 on 62, Layers, MacDaddies and Tirau Earthmovers 1 on 61.

“By jingo’s, you have got to love the imagination of those in charge of team names.”

The best of the golfers (“you would have to use that term loosely with this lot!”) were Richie Brown, Vance Carson Phil Kensington and Walter Morgan on 22 points, Nemesis Hoyte and Jamie Ormsby 21, Terry Garnett, David Motutere, Wayne Mudford, Spotty McCarthy and Robbie Wi 20.

And in the non golfers division, first was Paul McEwan 25, Keri Kohinga and Doug Ward 24, Grant Brownhill, Jeremy Jacobsen, Gary McMillan and Vaughan Richmond 23, Greg Burnett, Allan Sutton and Steve Williams (“not that Steve Williams”) on 22.

Fern Taylor won the ladies golfers with 21 points, followed by non golfers Amelia Morgan 22, Lorraine Smith and Shannon Pawhau 16 (“off a 12 handicap”).

Finally, Captain Ding was castigated, not castrated, although the feeling can be similar, for not mentioning last week that Sean Samkin beat Captain Ding (“finally”) in their little encounters each week at twilight.  The score now stands at 2 – 1, as last Thursday, Sean had his first time ever, second win in a row over a clearly aggravated Captain Ding.

But the final word is this ... “who’s the Shortland Street killer?”... (right, that's it, give back your man card you girl!”

Vets Results – Thursday 15 November
A good day was had by all that took part in the vets scramble last Thursday.  Good shot John Mathis came in first for the men with 50 points followed by daylight, and then Vic O’Rourke, 46 and Don Riley 43.  Bev Macartney on 41 led the ladies home, 2nd Heather Howard 38 and 3rd Cheryl Jones 36. 

A reminder to everyone the Vets mini tournament is on next week, Thursday the 29th of November, start times 9.30 to 10.30, $10 entry fee, open to everyone, including ex Captain Ding (5 more sleeps!)

Coming up …
This Thursday has just Vets, followed by Bells Twilight.  And on Saturday we have the just a scramble.  And also remember the AGM on Tuesday the 27th, starting at 7.30, get your grizzle pads on the ready, it should be a doozie! … Good luck and good golfing!







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