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Article :: 2008.06.05 - This Week Press Report

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Putaruru Golf Club Report for Insertion in “This Week”
Thursday 5 June 2008.

Men's Report
This Week we look at the Vets Pennants final, the weekend scramble results and the second round of the President’s Trophy.

Vets Pennant Final
The Putaruru Vets team topped the table for their zone meaning a trip to Morrinsville for the Waikato final among the 12 other finalists.

The good news was that the team finished in the top 3rd of the finalists, the not so good news was we were fourth.

Te Kowhai was first with a nett total of 336, Lochiel and Pirongia tied on 346, and Putaruru 352.

For Putaruru, Ross Jellard had 67, Maurice Tricker 68, Dieter Drescher 69, Peter Smith 70, and Hooky Howard 78.  We will not get stewed up about the score that was dropped from the team total, a nett 80, these things do happen.

Te Kowhai’s win came courtesy of one of their “30” handicappers shooting 85 off the stick, to stick it to the rest of the finalists with a nett 55, pretty good really, no really!!

Whilst allegations of counting irregularities resurfaced, you know like how vets can regularly reach long par 5’s in 2 and take 5 ... not!  “That was a six, forget that you’re a vet with dementia problems?!”

Ding should not make light of this all too common affliction of the aging.  But it is a problem along with the “out of sight, out of mind” scenario, where, if no one is looking, you don’t have to count the kick out of the bushes.

Just remember this all vets and agnostics, God is watching ... all the time!

Saturday Scramble
There was a nothing scramble on a nothing day that counted for nothing, except for those who won.

With 35 in the field some of the scoring was somewhat good.

Wining division one was Allan Wallace with 47 points (a 74 off the stick,) then there was Ross Jellard 44, Brian Curd 41, Ron Taylor 40, Vance Carson, Butch Hamilton and Mark Lawrence 39.

In division 2 Kevin Duthie won with 40 points on count back from Andrew Sadler, Fern Taylor, Ding and Gary Urbahn 37.

Ken Duthie did not have the only two for the day, it was in fact Kevin Duthie, and it was on the 3rd hole.

Presidents Trophy
The Presidents starts in earnest this Saturday.

Ross Jellard and John Mulholland play John Anderson and Ron Hunt; Vance Carson and David O’Brien play the Brown Brothers, Ron Taylor and Vic O’Rourke; Greg Worth and David Hoyte play Terry Garnett and Neville Dugan; Eyebrow Hamilton and Spotty McCarthy play Butch Hamilton and Lauchie Phillips.

This next one should be a cracker, Fuzz Barr and Ted Ward play the Kensington’s, Stew and Phil; oh to be a fly on the wall for that one.

Ding and Dougie play the wig twins, hair bears, or is that the ones with the wide parts? ACC Pete and Massey Rata; Tali Mulafia and Brian Curd play Allan Wallace and Duncan Gallagher; And finally, Tango and Hooky play Balls and Scooter (aka Dieter Drescher and Colin Howard play Stephen Thorby and Mark Nicholl!)

Ding’s Sordid Stuff
With this being a quiet week, holiday weekend and all, there is not a lot, but here goes.

Yes it is true, that Ding is taking lessons at the Golf Academy, and has sadly come to face the truth of how horrendously he has polluted the classic golf swing.

Caught on video, Ding’s Swing was probably the most corrupt and sordid thing to be filmed.  In fact it is questionable just how contact with the golf ball was ever sustained.

The new Ding revival is on the way as soon as all the swing parts can be retrieved and reintegrated into normality.

The new course rating for Putaruru kicked in last week, for the men 115 slope rating up from 112, and course rating 68.2 up from 67.9.

What does this mean really?  Well, Dings handicap index is a respectacle15.3, but now his handicap goes to 16 which now means he is a chopper playing in the junior division until he gets good ... for the eagle eyed, there are not one, but two oxymorons in that statement, like Central Intelligence Agency!

Putaruru Golf Club’s Red Light District has had some very disturbing rustlings blowing in the wind about Doll’s, of the Sweet n Sour persuasion.  Urban legend has it that it was that great Hollywood actor, who would be turning in his grave as we read, Cary Grant, or is that Gary Can’t?

Now, a thing about Curdles and Whey which will have one choking.  You know how 26 points is a pretty darn good score for the front nine, it was Brian’s Life that saw that backed with 15 points on the back nine ... was that a pack a hole? ... cough, cough, choke, choke!

Talk about needing new O rings as Victory went without its conservative member (crypto’s will get this as it is a little left wing, or is that right wing?!) Anyway, one golfer went par, par, eight!  Sounded to Ding like a Ford, or was that par, par, black sheep!

Finally, yes really, there were recriminations galore as Ross Jellard recounted the misery of scoring birdie on the par 5 12th hole on Saturday, and losing the hole to Ronnie T who scored an eagle.  Both for the record were in the prize list.

Coming up …
Today we have the Vets, and Saturday, the Firestone Pork n Bacon $10 Tournament, Monthly Medal, Captains Trophy, and the second round of the Presidents.

 Also don’t forget the gathering for the Exclusive Brethren, not the religious ones, on Friday night, Indian Takeaways at the secret coven, with the special guest from Bollywood, Kelli Kutter  ... Good luck and good golfing!

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