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The politest way Ding has ever said get f@#k'd in his life ... This in response to the editorial bullshit being served up by our community newspaper

....... OMG this is so embarassing ahhh, the youth of yester-year!!

Letters to the Editor,
It is with deep regret that ex Captain Ding will no longer be contributing to the South Waikato News reporting on activities at the Putaruru Golf Club.

Instead we will use our website www.putarurugolfclub.co.nz to maintain our life blood and banter reporting results and all the rest of “our” news.

We can even set up a email system to disseminate our goings on.

The reporting in the paper has been a key part in the resurrection of the golf club fortunes over the last several years, raising awareness and creating an image and environment that people have been attracted to.  That special blend of reporting the results coupled with Ding’s take on “golf club life” in general has been well read, not just by Putaruru members, but by the South Waikato Golf community.

However, the current editorial environment is more intent on reporting just the news, with NO injection of colour, commentary or opinion.  Surely a disclaimer would be sufficient for them to hide behind, and nothing said from a small sports club is ever going to be worth a multimillion dollar law suit in a close knit community such as ours.

So, rather than conform to these restraints and perpetuate a continual serving of lukewarm gruel, we shall do our own thing without potential offense to the wider community.

Yours Faithfully
Philip Bell

CASE in point where the article below was hacked by the editor by cutting out the actual wooden spoon result paragraph's ... bullshit bullshit beureaucratic political correctness BULLSHIT!

Putaruru Golf Report – South Waikato News 20.08.08

Men’s Report
29 players took to a sodden golf track on Saturday for the semi finals of the Lithgow trophy and the days scramble. 

Lithgow Trophy
In the semi final between Massey Rata and Adam Sadler, Massey Rata, the highly fancied favourite in the writers view had a straight forward 2/1 victory over Adam Sadler. 

In the other semi final, this was a rather lopsided result with a 4/2 victory to Sean Samkin over John Mulholland. 

Next Saturday sees the final of the Lithgow trophy between Massey Rata and Sean Samkin.  The writers pick would be to suggest that the person that beat Ding in the quarter finals is likely to be the victor.

Saturday Scramble
The scramble result saw in division 1, Phil Kensington 42 points, Ron Taylor and Spotty McCarthy 41, Brian Curd and Massey Rata 38, and Shannin Christensen (Tirau) 36 points. 

In division 2 Warren Long won with 40 points, Heather Howard 38, Gary Urban 36, Barbara Barr and Wayne Mudford 35 and Adam Sadler 34. 

2’s were scored by Hooky Howard and Phil Kensington on the 3rd.

Wooden Spoon
32 players took off to Wairakei to take advantage of their midweek special and also to enjoy a light shower or two adding to the ambience. 

Winning the day were Keith Hunt on 42 points on count back from Lauchie Phillips; Les O’Leary and Tony Edgar 40 points and Sean Samkin 39. 

David Hoyte was well clear of winning the spoon on 30 points.  At the business end Wayne Mudford had 26 points, Tony Muller 23 points and the winner of the spoon looking splendid in his Ford rain jacket was Roger Clothier 18 points.  This result does not bode well for the Ford Holden clash at Bathurst this year. 

Coming up
We have a scramble on Saturday along with the final of the Lithgow Trophy and the following Saturday we have the Putaruru Maori Open Tournament. 

Putaruru Golf Club Summary for Insertion in the South Waikato News Wednesday 13 August 2008 ... as sent in, not as printed by those wowsers!

Men’s Report
Last Saturday saw the second round of the Lithgow Trophy played in conjunction with the days scramble.

30 players took to the course in a smaller than usual field.  The results for Division 1 saw Brian Curd the outright winner on 40 points, followed by Spotty McCarthy 39, Lauchie Phillips, Ding, Ross Jellard and John Barr all on 38 points,

In Division 2, Barbara Barr won the day with 40 point, followed by Warren Long 38, Andrew Sadler 37, Tony Muller 35, Kevin Duthie 35 and Hooky Howard 32.  Twos were scored by Greg Worth on the 3rd and John Barr on the 8th.

Lithgow Trophy
The quarter finals round of the trophy were played on Saturday, although two matches were played on the previous Thursday.  In a ding dong battle, the ex-captain Ding took on an invigorated Peter Smith on Thursday.  The result was a 6/4 win to Ding playing by the seat of his pants.  For the record Ding had 42 points in the Thursday Vets scramble to win that day, and that was preceded by a 42 point haul the day before in Tirau to win the best nett prize in their midweek, and as a side bonus, a right old thumping of the local greenkeeper, one Eddie Brown.

Anyway to the quarter final rounds, Ding’s run of massive form came to a grinding halt as he played an in form Massey Rata who eventually won the match 2/1.  Funny story, Ding won a prize for his 38 points in the scramble, where Massey’s 38 points came just outside the prize pool.

In other results Adam Sadler played Hooky Howard coming out the victor with a stunning 4/3 victory.  Lauchie Philips played John Mulholland, with John Mulholland coming out with 3/2 victory.

Sean Samkin and John Wood played their match the previous Thursday with Sean Samkin having a relatively easy run through that match.

The semi-finals are due to be played this Saturday with Adam Sadler playing Massey Rata and John Mulholland playing Sean Samkin.

Coming up on Saturday we have the semi-finals of the Lithgow Trophy in conjunction with usual $5 scramble.  On Thursday 21 August we have the Putaruru Super Liquor mid-week, and on 30 August we have the Putaruru Open Maori Tournament.

Please mark your diaries …… good luck and good golfing from ex Captain Ding.

Putaruru Golf Club Summary for Insertion in the South Waikato News Wednesday 6 August 2008 ... as sent in, not as printed by those wowsers!

Putaruru Golf Report
The weekend saw the second consecutive Saturday where 18 holes were able to be completed.  Play centred around the Firestone Pork and Bacon mini tournament and the 1st round of the Lithgow Trophy.

Firestone Pork n Bacon Tournament
36 players took to the field on Saturday and the results are as follows. Barbara Barr was 1st in the ladies division on nett 72 followed by Cheryl Jones on 78. 

Men’s Division 1, Nett winner  Massey Rata 68, runner up  Vic O’Rourke 70; Stableford winner Butch Hamilton 39, runner up Mike Karl 38, Dominic Morris 38, Lauchie Phillips 37, Phil Kensington and Ron Taylor 36

Division 2 Nett winner  Stephen Thorby 67, runner up Hooky  Howard 70; Stableford winner  Les O’Leary 39, Sean Samkin 37, Adam Sadler 36, Robbie Wi 35, Paul Graham and Roger Clothier 34. 

Two’s were scored by Ross Jellard and Peter Smith on the 3rd and by Dominic Morris on the 8th.

The Monthly Medal winner was Stephen Thorby with a nett 67.

Lithgow Trophy
The 1st round of the Lithgow Trophy was played on Saturday.  Hooky Howard beat Ross Jellard 1 up in a tightly contested battle in what was the match of the round.

In other matches Massey Rata beat Ron Taylor 3/2, Lauchie Phillips beat Allan Wallace 7/5, John Mulholland beat Wayne Mudford and John Wood beat Tony Muller.  The only match remaining to be played is Ding versus ACC Pete Smith, which will be played on Thursday.

The 2nd round matches are at this stage looking like this – Adam Sadler plays Hooky Howard; Lauchie Phillips played John Mulholland; John Wood plays Sean Samkin; and Massey Rata plays the winner out of Peter Smith and Ding.

Coming Up
We have a $5 scramble this Saturday and the second round of the Lithgow Trophy weather permitting.



Putaruru Golf Club Summary for Insertion in the South Waikato News Wednesday 30 July 2008 ... as sent in, not as printed by those wowsers!

Men's Report
While it has been a while since Ex Captain Ding has written in the News, we will be looking to keep the local golfers abreast with current events, so to speak, golf wise.

We begin with last Saturday which was the first in 4 weeks to see 18 holes of competition completed.

It was qualifying for the Lithgow Trophy, and while the weather continued to present challenges 16 golfers ventured out, and the course remained playable for the whole day.

The scramble results saw Adam Sadler top dog with a nett 69, 2nd Sean Samkin 71, Lauchie Phillips 72, Ding 73, Ron Taylor and Wayne Mudford 75.

Lithgow Draw
The draw for the first round sees Adam Sadler and Sean Samkin with byes; Ross Jellard plays Hooky Howard; Ron Taylor plays Massey Rata; Peter Smith plays Ding; Lauchie Phillips plays Allan Wallace; John Mulholland plays Wayne Mudford; and Tony Muller plays John Wood.

In other news, the Wairakei International mid week special is attracting interest.  8 local Putaruru Golfers scored one of the few fine days last Thursday to take advantage of the special.  John Van Dyk top scored with 38 points, with Ding 2nd on 35 points.

Off to the hospital Ward was a young Teddy boy who struggled off the blue tees, securing no less that 4 ladies tee misdemeanours, 3 in a row no less which is quite expensive at Wairakei prices.

With the lack of Saturday golf, this was a welcome, if not somewhat rusty outing for the boys.

Coming up …
On Saturday we have the first round of the Lithgow Trophy run in conjunction with the Firestone Pork n Bacon Open Mini Tournament, Monthly Medal and Captains Trophy … Good luck and good golfing from XCD!




A very disappointed Ding is bereft of media with which to pick on people, like Eyebrow, or Sad, or Sadz, or Hoytie, or anyone.

We are looking at alternatives, like an Weekly Newsletter emailed and printed copies to be left at the club, and also on line, AND to cover both news for Putaruru and Tirau, possibly Tokoroa as well.

Any brain waves would be gratefully accepted.

But Ding is having a couple of weeks off!

Dings last Article in “This Week”
Thursday 26 June 2008.

Men's Report
This Week, we review the controversial Presidents semi finals, the Stockies n Cockies Tournament, and get stuck into rules infractions which could have proved costly, and did in one instance.

 Things certainly do move quickly here on Walton’s Mountain ... For instance, the course rating won’t need altering again as the greens are being made a wee bit smaller.

The greens have come back well now the rain has arrived; Dings putting statistics are down to more realistic averages (31 on Saturday.)

Although, here’s a snippet, the tournament leaders on the tour after 2 rounds average just 22 putts or thereabouts per round, something to think about.

Scandal again has rocked our little golfing community, as no less than 3 players failed to sign their cards at the Stockies n Cockies Tournament.  One of the perpetrators was as Gloriously repentant as Ozzy Osbourne, offering to drive back from home and sign her card, and that’s at today petrol prices!

Ding would point out that other clubs simply disqualify players in accordance with the Rules of Golf, but could we have more vigilant match committees checking the cards as they are handed in?

One of our comrades is down on his luck, having butchered an opportunity to deal to this animal, a lovable mammal of the family Bovidae.  This ram spied his opportunity to get his own back, and without veering off course, bunted our hapless low handicapper on his knee ... ouch!

So it was that Butch was rammed from behind, and may not get back to golf for nine months, or will that more correctly be 5 months gestation period, because the swelling would have started instantly.

Anywho, Dings says nice job on the lawns Vere, and input into this story must be credited to the Brown Brothers Port assessment section.

The boys are off to Te Puke for their next Wooden spoon trip, which have happened on Tuesday by the time you read this.  Ding looks forward to reporting the latest recipient from Waotu, or in town, anywhere but the lifestyle belt of Putaruru.

Stockies n Cockies Tournament
This was held last Wednesday and had 48 in the field down from 70 odd last year.  This was somewhat disappointing after the tournament was shifted so it did not clash with field days as it did last year ... fickle things these golf playing farmers.

The sponsorship was again very generous from Summit Quinphos, PGG Wrightson and Pioneer Seeds.

Gavin Hooper from Tirau was the toast of the day shooting 70 off the stick, off an 8 handicap for a nett 62, with the runner also from Tirau Geoff Hyde on 69.

Dominic Morris won the gross with 77, runner up Tali Mulafia 81.

The stableford winners were Allan Wallace 42 points, Warren Craig 40, Ross Jellard and Bevan Edgar 39, Peter Smith 38 and Ron Taylor 37.

The Ladies Division nett winners were Gloria Osbourne 70, runner up Alison Riley 72.

The gross winner was Denise Hunt 87, runner up Cheryl Jones 93, and the stableford winners were Louise Wallace 38, Kath Taverner 34, Heather Howard 33, Florence Jellard 31, Heather Edgar 30 and Cushla Arbuckle 29.

The Men's division 2 nett winners were Wayne Mudford 62, runner up Tony Muller 68.  The gross winners were Lance Hay 83, runner up Tony FitzHerbert 86.

The Stableford winners were E Clair 42, Tony Edgar 38, Nathan Edgar and Brett Worth 37, Andrew Muller and B Burwell 36.

The non golfer’s winners were D Davidson, Paul Wallis, M Peters, Janine Wallis and H Lawson.

The only two of the day was scored by Gavin Hooper.

The nearest to the pin winners were Heather Edgar, Ron Taylor, Les O’Leary and Paul Wallis.

The Longest putt winners were Denise Hunt, Kelly Oxenham, Peter Rennie and Janine Wallis.

Solstice Scramble
No one turned up on the shortest day of the year, well hardly anyone, okay the field had 40 in it, which was well down on previous Saturdays, the place felt empty!

Well not quite, as two new members who were warned to stay away from Ding (very unfair,) were welcomed to the club having just moved to the area from Stratford Eltham way, welcome to Dean and Margaret Robinson.

Vance Carson won division 1 with 43 points, Peter Smith and Allan Wallace 41, Duncan Gallagher and Vic O’Rourke 40.

In division 2, the winner was Roger Clothier on count back from Ted Ward on 43, Lindsay Siegel and Adam Sadler 41, Stew Kensington 40.

Two’s were scored by Ding on the 3rd (yay), and also Ted Ward who had 2 twos on the 3rd and 10th, Adam Sadler on the 8th, Ronnie Taylor, Ross Jellard and Stew Kensington on the 10th, and John Barr on the 13th.
Presidents Trophy
The semi final results have been very interesting for Ding with Mike Hamilton and Spotty McCarthy winning over Vance Carson and David O’Brien 3/1.

This semi final had it all, where a lack of knowledge on the rules relating to 4 ball best ball competitions basically cost the match.  Four ball best ball is governed by stroke play rules, not match play.  Had this been known, then playing the wrong ball would have resulted in a 2 stroke penalty to the offending player, but not loss of hole for the team ... the playing partner being unaffected by such penalties.

This would have seen Vance Carson win the hole with his par 4, against the 6’s of the opposition, and would have put them 1 up at that stage ... tch, tch, tch ... where is Ding when you need him?

And to top this off the score cards handed in recorded a score higher than what was scored on the par 3 13th, 6 for 2 points being written down instead of 3 for 3.  This was enough to raise the eyebrows of our ever vigilant handicapper, with the 2 partners cards bearing little resemblance to each other as the cards were entered into the handicapping system ... you know there was a time when such agricultural farming systems were better masked.

So in summary, a score card with inflated scoring is now in the handicapping system.  The final comment is this, take care when signing cards, and make sure that as the player your card is correct and corresponds to your markers card, otherwise people may draw the wrong conclusion about the true motives of such “mistakes.”

The other semi final was highly reticent by comparison as Allan Wallace and Duncan Gallagher slaughtered their opposition wearing S&M gear, a right old 5/4 spanking over Massey Rata and ACC Pete Smith, whose hairs, both of them, were ruffled all day.

Ding Wings
Now Ding is not one to Mull things over, by George, but was it true that there was some club chucking angst reminiscent of Holland seen right in New Zealand, or could a trip to the John have sorted things?

Ding did appreciate catching up with Jenny Clothier on the first hole, just as he ploughed his second shot straight out of bounds, cheers for your sweet words of encouragement Jen!

Ding is very disturbed at the growing trend of not coming into the club rooms after a match, especially one holding such significance as the Presidents semi final.  One is led to understand that there were no words on the 7th tee, no 11 hole sulks, or anything like having to go to Hamilton for electrolysis work on ones formidable wenkbrauw (Dutch) or augenbraue (German).

And then the money that was left for his playing partner to shout with on his behalf was attempted to be passed off as his own shout, but some quick witted Spotting put the stop to that.  No cheap big Mac’s here.

For the record, Ding did not think there was anything special about Little Miss Muffet’s 92 off the stick, it’s just par for the curd’s and whey in a day in the life of Brian!

Coming up …
Today we may have the Vets, and on Saturday the Putaruru mid Winter Christmas Open Tournament.  While we have used a start sheet, there are plenty of gaps, so roll on up, or give the starters a call on Saturday to get your start time.

... Good golfing from XCD!




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